You may not be Midas, but the perfect partner for your golden throne must be... Gilt bum wipe?
Australia’s Toilet Paper Man has produced one roll of 24-karat gold-lined 3-ply roll. Expect gold varq on your bum after use, and on the floor, apparently. Talk about gilding the lily! Your purchase is hand delivered, we hear, with a bottle of bubbly. A small token of appreciation only for a A$ 1,376,900 purchase. Oh but don’t let them fob you off with the inferior $1.3 million 22-carat one while you’re there! So passé. So two years ago, darling.
You might want to spare your septic tank the gold nugget though, and only accessorise with this one? If so, an affordable yet well-matched partner for your second holder—surely you have two per potty, like any decent luxury hotel?—can be had from Herr Fritz Loibl of Tissue Design, Germany (tissue-design.de). He embosses your favourite functional roll of loo paper with a pattern of your choice in 24-karat gold again, for €178.50 a pop.
Either way, this is the final word in proving that you’re flush.